Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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