Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
