She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
