My vagina just recognized that song.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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