it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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