After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
