It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
