I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize