I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
