i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize