we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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