we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
