I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Less talking, more tequila
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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