Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
