she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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