well I can't set my house on fire every night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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