So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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