I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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