why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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