Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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