I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
