i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
