dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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