Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just found puke in my bra..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
