Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
