All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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