bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize