SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk is not a location!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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