oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
