That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
