I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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