I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
