I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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