That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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