To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
