can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
