The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
