Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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