the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.