3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness