goodnight i made you a song goodbye
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.