I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
