It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
