Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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