OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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