I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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