hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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