All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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