I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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