Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
