we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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