craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
