Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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