I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
