non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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