no you cant smoke seaweed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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