wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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