Dual....:-)
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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