If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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