I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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