Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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