Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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