1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
