i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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