Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
