I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
