There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
