We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
