The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
