I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
