I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
