Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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