i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
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Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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