I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
